Parafernalia Anual....

Bien...creo que todos festejamos año nuevo...con todo, la flía. la comida...los fuegos...jaja-.- creo que este año no es tan copado, no? sin embargo todos están allá afuera tirando cañitas, ynenes que no tienen para comer explotando chasqui bum...a nadie le importa nada...jajaja...
es horrible...la gente, el mundo...todo...no vale la pena ni siquiera pensar en una posible utopia...ni siquiera en nuestra imaginacion cabe algo decente...somos horribles...

Broken Plates...

I've broken a relationship that had only begun.I say I lost him. He says I abandoned him...I believe he is right.
I left him for another person...which I doubt will end up well. Scared? Yes, of course. I am going into a possible hell and will have nothing to hold on to when...if I come back.
It's hot up here....I've been thinking...I've done sth. I told two guys was a stupid thing to do....I broke in order to avoid failure without knowing if I would fail in the first place. I guess I'm never gonna get off this path ... I am doomed to fall again...why? Because I'm in love....or is it an infatuation? nevermind...I think I'm in love and will stick to that until proven wrong...
Love, always, Gaia

Far Beyond the Hills and Lakes...

There lies a princess with silver hair
Behind waterfalls in golden Rain,
Where Rays of Sunlight pass along
Leaving Rainbows far beyond...

The heavy cauldron filled with gold
Of a little vanishing leprechaun,
lies heavenly upon a hill,
behind a tarnished, ruined mill...

And why my rhymes seem so naive,
Thou must wonder hard and deep
They're so because I'm just a child,
no matter how mature and wild.

I shall forever stay this way...
Like the Princess from far away
with silver hair, and dark green eyes
lingering in waters' paradise.

Fine, this is pretty, but meaningless...I like it, it's cute...enjoy my loves!!!!!
kisses and love, always
Gaia...The eternal Princess of Darkness " Be my saviour be my life, live in pain underneath Lucefy's gain".

Menospreciada o Sobreestimada?

La verdad es que no se cuál de las dos se aplica mejor a la opinión de mis conocidos/amigos/familiares/afines.
Estoy absolutamente harta de que todos y cada uno me juzguen, critiquen y comenten. Nadie tiene porque hablar de mi, si hay algo que decir haganlo conmigo...
Cualquier cosa...saben donde encontrarme...soy de dominio publico o no? bienvenida prensa amarillista a mi grupo de amigos...bienvenida sea la farandula plastica y obsoleta que rodea su eterna busqueda de temas para hablar...no soy un tema SOY UNA PERSONA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
vieron?! puedo escribir un texto sin glamour
gaia

Amor, Honesto o Impostor...?

Bien, la realidad es esta...hoy leí entre muchas de las obritas que tiene mi abuelo en su casa, una particularmente interesante, del escritor y psicoterapeuta Hugo Finkelstein llamada: "El libro del NO Amor".
Dentro de este libraco había ciertas frases tales como: " el amor es un acto de dos. Si uno ama y el otro no ama uno delos dos miente. O uno cree, o el otro finge, o están jugando al . En el falso amor vive el orgullo y el amor propio empieza cuando el amor por el otro ha terminado."; "Parece mentira, pero el acto sexual es cosa de dos".; "Como la madre falsa en el juicio salomónico, preferías que viviera cortado en dos, a verme vivir entero con quien quisiera."; "Siempre me intrigó: cuando decías que yo era esto y aquello, ¿ Cómo hacías para saber más de mi que yo mismo?"
Bien, todas esas frases no tienen mucho sentido sin el contexto, pero no creo que ninguno de uds. se atreva a leer el libro con semejante nombre. A mí me resultó bueno, pero quién soy yo? crítica de libros? Al final aparece una pequeña guía instruccional para destruir una pareja...creo que todos debemos haberla leído alguna vez...y el que no, que se haga un lavado de conciencia...o tome fosfovita.
No sólo me resultó bastante deprimente lo que leí, sino también instructivo, uno aprende muchos secretos con este librito...
La verdad es que si uno dice que sufre por amor entonces no ama, porque el amor en si no produce sufrimiento, sino la incapacidad de amar, perdonar, etc...y saben que, nunca voy a tener amor propio, como muchos me dicen que tenga...porque, justamente el amor por otros nunca se va, estoy enamorada del mundo...que le voy a hacer? al menos se que yo vivo amando y sufro por errores, no por amores...mis amores me dan demasiado, no me lastiman...
LOVE, ALWAYS...Gaia

Algunos.

Algunos obtienen mas de lo que merecen por las razones incorrectas.
Algunos pretenden que los acepten por más dolor que causen.
Algunos patalean y lloran suplicando perdon cdo. ellos causaron su propio dolor.
Algunos manipulan sentimientos puros y los tornan a su favor.
Algunos son privilegiados a pesar de sus engaños y mentiras varias.
Algunos tienen la capacidad de tener al mundo en un puño con una sola rabieta.
Algunos creen que sus problemas son grandes porque no miran a los de los demás.
Algunos se acercan cdo. les conviene y abandonan cdo. se complica.
Algunos hacen sufrir y luego se acercan como si fueran a salvar al que antes abandonaron.
Algunos dejan a personas para que las curen otros y las buscan para obtener mejores resultados sin esfuerzo.
Algunos no entienden que un corazón roto perdona pero la herida no cierra.
Algunos tienen buenas intenciones después de haber hecho un mal.
Algunos intentan retomar un camino después de haber pisoteado todo a su paso.
Algunos no ven importancia en el llanto de los demás.
Algunos son egoístas como para hacer todo de acuerdo a sus deseos.
Algunos carecen de amor por el mundo y lastiman con el objetivo de sentirse poderosos.

Por suerte estamos los boludos, no? Existimos para curar heridas, arreglar mentes, dar determinación, cariño, devolver el amor propio, dibujar eternas sonrisas, querer incondicionalmente, producir cambios positivos... Y todo para que? para que tiempo después, cdo. ya nos consideraron banales se vayan, para volver una vez más con el corazón roto a que les cosan las plumas a las alas y remienden las paredes carmesí con dedicación, y así puedan volver a desaparecer, sin importar el esfuerzo, para caer de nuevo en la misma histeria redundante y estúpida.

Love, as always. Gaia

Flesh and Blood

Woke up same time, same way... spit some blood (literally) and sickly continued as if nothing had happened.I went to school, left without any won battles and had a beer with one of my girlfriends and a guy. Really, not necessary, enough metal-flavour in my mouth and throat to shoot some more down...
I accompanied a friend round the block towards the AACI, half hearign him as he spokewith BEP pounding into my head as I followed te rythm with my steps.
I left him at a friend's and walked for a while, thinking and singing out loud Teh Phantom of the opera, by Nightwish. (gosh that song depresses me, sby owes me his violin version, and I'm probably enver going to hear him play it, damn the devil).
I just hung a while round the Bond St. thinking bout my future collection and my new boot-glove-fangs design. Really, I'm not soooo sure of myself. Took a bus home and arrived some time later, a migrane splitting my head in two and with a sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach.
Listened to music, as always and went to buy some clothes w/mum...bought a cool t-shirt, by the way.
Went to George's...heard some bad news....lately being alive means bad news to me, hahaha -laughing in order not to cry.Walked home, got home, ate some m&m's and spoke on the phone...hated that conversation...anyhow....I'm still alive and breathing...whtvr.
Just don't breathe a word or I'll slit my throat with a rose petal.

Love, and then again maybe not-.-

Al menos llovió...

Día malo, muy muy malo...Me desperté temprano, como ultimamente, cosa que no compensa la falta de sueño a causa del insomnio producido quién sabe porqué...bueno, ya s eporque pero no jodan, y me sentía muy mal, muuuuuy muuuuy mal.
Salí de mi cama, y consideré no salir de mi casa...pero salí en un día caluroso, molesto y de muy poco agrado para mi persona.
Bien, hasta ahí bien...no?
Llegué a dar examen y la profesora no vino...nos tomó más tarde con los niñitos de 1° año, que estaban cagados en las patas...cosa que me causó gracia, ya que yo estoy en terminos de tu con la profesora, y ellos intentando ser correctos, mientras querían controlar el movimiento intermitente de sus rodillas..jajaja La cuestión es que no me entero de como me fue ahsta el viernes...bajón...no iba a ir el viernes a la escuela...
Bueno, después de rendir con el ánimo más en alto x mi seguridad...juas, salí a fumar una cajetilla de cigarrillos..jjajajajaja.
Bien, entré a esperar a un amigo a ver como rendía latín, si, tenemos latín hasta tercero en el lenguas-.-, y cdo salió, me estaba por ir a mi casa, y se largó torrencialmente.
Tradicionalmente, amo la lluvia, incluso cante; "que llueva, que llueva" con un amigo antes de que rindiera, pero la verdad es que, con ojotas, mini y musculosa no daba para salir a mojarme y menos con frio.
Si esto les parece poco, vale agregar que el chico que rendia latin (con el que tmb cante que llueva que llueva, jaja) y otro amigo mio mas, se fueron hoy a EEUU...y me puse muuuy triste, pero obviamente me quede hasta que se fueron, porque fue cdo paro de llover...
Bue...llegué a casa, y almorce, todo esto a las 5 de la tarde, mas o menos...llego mama, y nada, despues me quede dormida, me contracture mas, y ahora estoy aqui, depsues de estudiar, harta del mundo, y en un dia de mierda....pero bueno, al menos llovio, no?

love, always,
Gaia

Algo que leí...

Martes 14/12, wow, finalmente terminé de entenderme! Acompañe a alguien hoy hasta el BOA y leí algo muy interesante, una frase en una pared, pegada precariamente con cinta, decía tan solo: " La capacidad de querer engendra el miedo de vivir"...al principio no pareció tener sentido, pero finalmente lo encontré, gracias a la existencia de una niña...bueno, que ya no existe pero existio.
La verdad es que cuanto mas quiere uno, más miedo tiene de la vida, por miedo a perder lo que tanto ama...jajaja suena raro?
El miedo aparece cdo uno tiene algo, o lo quiere porque no quiere perderlo...fue genial leer eso en esta situacion.
Me llevó a decidir que ya no quiero ser la princesita elfica que deja su inmortalidad por amor y muere sola...quiero ser feliz, con la persona que mas me cuida cerquita!
Y tal vez eso me tome tiempo, pero estoy dispuesta a intentarlo!!!! Porque él vale la pena, porque siempre la valió y porque le importo, y confío ciegamente en él jajaja!!!!
STEVE TE QUIERO! y sabelo y escuchame!!!! Y gracias por bancarme en todas sin obligación y por quererme psicópata y obsesiva como soy, y por atenderme a la madrugada cdo llamo llorando y por existir!!!
Tu existencia ya llena mucho de mi vida!!!!!!!
( pero yo te quiero mas! y en violeta)

Love, always, smile,forever,
Gaia

Fuera la Ficcion, hola YO

Creo que esto va a ser lo más honesto que escriba hasta ahora. Hasta ahora fueron versiones mejoradas de mi mente, de mi vida, de todo, tan sólo las escrib en inglés para que suenen mejor y todo se sienta menos. Esto es lo crudo, lo burdo, lo que soy yo, la verdadera persona, psicopata obsesiva para algunos, y la pobre victima para otros. No soy ninguna y soy las dos, acabo de leer algo en la red posteado hace digamos 4 días, y fui directamente al baño a vomitar... reacción, porqué? ASCO repulsion, dolor, todo junto y a la vez todo separado por diferentes razones.
En este momento odio mi vida, las relaciones sexuales te CAGAN la vida, debería considerar no tenerlas...no dan tanto placer siquiera...
Soy realmente la persona con necesidades más simples del mundo...no espero que me entiendan, no espero que me esperen, no espero nada de nadie, solo quiero que me quieran...Todo lo que escribi aca, hasta ahora fue basicamente por mi humor por una persona...pero como deje de importarle hace un tiempo no encuentro razones para excusarme, para disculparme, porque mis palabras rebotan contra su cabeza...
Probablemente el salga adelante antes que yo...creo que huir a veces es la salida, y espero que no se preocupe, porque soy una parte de su pasado que no lo va a perseguir.
Finalmente es algo feliz...eso era lo que quería o eso creí...ahora está bien y me pasó por encima... creo que es porque ya no me necesita...me necesitó? no lo sé...yo lo necesitaba a él... creo que esa es la esencia de esta historia...ya no sirve taparlo con palabras emperifolladas en inglés porque no es real, no es auténtico...
Me siento una mierda. Eso es lo único que se...pensé que no me iba a mentir de nuevo, pero esa soy yo, yo confío ciegamente en las personas...
Se atrevió a juzgarme por mi pasado, aunque tmb se atrevió a pedirme un aborto cdo sabía que ya había pasado por eso y lo que podía pasarme...no le importó. Fede me dijo que todo era culpa mía porque yo debería haber ido a comprar preservativos...jajaja pero el es machista...quizás debería seguir culpándome a mi...eso siempre funcionó...me olvido de los demás porque estoy ocupada odiandome.
Estoy escuchando Exodus "strike of the beast" y me estoy carcomiendo el cerebro... tal evz es porque espero con ansias que me de un paro cardíaco asi ni siquiera me gasto en suicidarme. Uno no puede culparse siempre a si mismo porque odiarse a si mismo significa no poder vivir ... me odio, y no puedo evitarme, dejar de hablarme, ni nada...pero tampoco matarme...NO, NO SOY PSICOPATA, SUICIDA NI STALKER... pro si lo dudabas ray...era suicida, nunca fui psicopata y no te voy a perseguir a ver que haces de tu vida...an eye for an eye...creo que es mejor para vos...que yo desaparezca.
Bien, esto no es necesario...me harté de disculparme, de sentirme mal, de llorar, de que me tengan lástima y de tener lástima...me harté de todo...y quizás me volví agresiva de una manera que nunca fui, y me odio más...

Nadie va a leer esto, porque la única persona que los leía con algo de atención me odia. Bien...al menos lo escribí para mí...quizás así termine de entenderme...tal vez sólo me confunda más...

Ommition is Bliss...

Allright....so you attempted bluffing...that went wrong, you just don't know me do you? I'm not as weak as to get into a depression because of you. The world doesn't revolve around you, you know. ( I hope you know)
Mmmm....you said I was a pain for I called too often, ok, I did call too often, I knew that I shouldn't but I did. Only because you said I could, if I felt sad. Ok I did, I do, but not because I'm still emotionally involved with you, but because you let me down as a person, you lied, deceived, ignored, ommited and couldn't care less about anyhing but yourself. You were selfish and self-centered, and only wanted what was best for you.
You never cared, did you?
I'm really sorry about having been a nuissance for you, I never meant to, you know I never did.
I hope someday you forgive me for trusting you blindly, and thinking you were there for me naively... I am here, whatever you need, whenever you do, all you have to do is call (like the song, cool), that's that, just snap, whistle of yell and I'll help you in any way you can.
The only thing I won't ever do ever ever ever again...is rely on you for anything, this will be a one way relationship, if you want it: I'll do anything if you need me to, but won't ask for anything back...I might not like what I get.

You just didn't need to go telling one of my closest friends I'm a pain and a Phsycho...when you know I'm not...I'm just not in my best heart-mind composition.
Just count on me, ok? I can't believe I'm saying this, but I am, you can't hurt me enough for me to hate you...but you can strain me enough for me not to trust you.

Bye, until you're ready to face me, or want to, if you don't want to, it's because you just wanted to get rid of me...
Love, as always....moi

GOTHIKA

Welcome to a christened word in the blessed blood of mankind. The kin of a vanished race perished amongst the bones of worthless creatures. For as long as it took a slaughter took part in this cruel era. Decisions made without consultation to the gods forced this damned race to be erased from the face of earth. A glorified child was the only being that survived the slaughter. A child with fiery eyes and black blood rushing inside his veins. Possesed by the most bloodthirsty vampire that ever rounded the earth. Not a soul would have vanquished him in that era nor in this one. Part crawler of the night, part human, he was born to redeem mankind and destroy any creature lacking basic purity.
The most chilling eyes you'd ever see, the most amazing flame growing into his stare when aroused. Fear not, however, death by his hand, for he still lives, not in the body of a child, but of a young man, seeking for invaluable beings to be added to his clan. He'll be tender, not cruel, and yet murderous when necessary. The redemption of your soul will be soon at your door, in the hands of the most beautiful creature in the world, deny your name and roots, and you shall be considered fit to follow.


Bare your teeth and bear the burden.

Times come along

You can't look at me and you can't speak to me, you can't handle it, and neither can I. We're not ready for this and yet I'll make myself ready if necessary. But, one thing is certain, if you die, you take two people with you... even if you don't care.
I do care, and I will always care, but nevermind, I'll let you know. Until that moment comes, there's no need for you to feel obligued to do anything, say anything, just try not to make me feel worse, will you? I already feel torn by myself. And I do need you, but if you can't be there for me, I'll understand, I'll row this boat on my own if I have to, just figure...

love, always.

For the Record

For the record, I'm not a phsyco, I'm not mentally disturbed, and I don't hurt people intentionally. I shan't lie, I shan't cry, and I shan't ask you to do sth. you don't even want to think about doing.
I will never try to regain you, I will never play you foul tricks, and I will never discuss any matter of any similar sort with you.
There is no need for you to feel pity, guilt or other kind of feeling of that type for me, I'll survive, as I always do.
Forget about it, there was nothing wrong with what you did, except perhaps talking those things about me without telling them to me. I understand, however, that it would have been quite awkward to say evth to me, but you should've done so, it would've been easier.
I will now begin to metamorphose into my old cynical, destructive self, I might be colder, but not less friendly, don't worry, you're great!
And now, as the topping icing of the cake, THE SOULLESS, BLOODSHEDDING, CHRISTENED VAMPLADY IS BACK.

love, always.
Moi

Shattered

I can't put up with this pain.....I just can't. What's wrong with me?

Blind

Pierce my eyes, pierce my eyes with a dozen spear tips burning in flames. I shan't see anymore, I shant I shant I shant.... This cradle is rocking too steafastedly it will end up in naught but disengaging itself from the ceiling. CRASH! The baby falls and immediately dies, Edipus pierced his eyes so as not to see his incestuous wife and her grand-daughetr-daughters, Asterios allowed his own murder, an angel fell by it's own accordance ...............pierce my eyes, pierce my eyes, pierce my eyes..........let me feel the blood warmly setting a cover in makeup style...
Let me fall down on my knees and cry out loud all my sins and troubles. SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!! scream for what you know and don't tell, for what you feel and can't say, for what you say but don't mean, let it go, ,let it out, let it flow out of your mouth into the soundproof rebounding holes inside your deeply wounded soul and rest.
REST FOREVER MORE IN YOUR GOLDEN CRADLE, UNTIL IT RIPS, FALLS, TUMBLES TO DISGRACE.

Bizarre

Careful with your words, make sure they are sweet, in case you have to swallow them someday. Nice phrase, different meanings, it depends on what your telescope aims at. Your views of life might be intrincated and misty, it's hard to get away with life without regret. Regret is one of the merest and yet the most important factor of moodiness and low karma. Believe it or not, life's a glass dome, all that's inside is trapped until it crashes against the cold pavement. Trust me or not, it will crash, and regenerate into a different kind of dome, one more resistent than the other, first glass, then acrilic, then diamonds....You shall die anyhow. You will, I will, everybody will, there's no route to eternity.
Don't fear, have no scaring tantrums. No more fits of rage and cries of pain. Live your life and enjoy...regret, cry and laugh, laugh at yourself everytime you cry, that's the only way of realising that there's no need to cry. Only when necessary.
It may sound utterly impossible, but it is possible. Love yourself, spread love, and leave this world with a stained concience. There's no way of getting away with a purely clean one....hahaha.
You will die, don't worry, that's the only thing you can be certain about in life.

Beloved world, I depart for the time being.

the truth

the truth is, some people get more than what they should for the wrong reasons.

Disposable teens

what's done is done, what's done is done, what's done is done and there's no turning back now. Once again I've found myself dooming my own soul to hell, yes....right into the deep wells of scintillating fire. Cry? I won't cry...not now at least...I've already become used to pushing myself over cliffs. Wether or not I survive this time, I shall be happy as long as you are. The only being -I can blame is myself, for my lack of self-approval. I shan't seek for it, I don't need to approve of myself, I won't anyhow.
I'm forever doomed to forgive and forget, smile and let time pass on, love inconditionally and leave, I might start calling myself the saviour...hahaha.."I'm here for as long as thou needs me, then Thou shall dispose of my limp body." I shall remind myelf of that more often...I will promptly become another cold six feet under mass of bones...at least in the mind.

Love always and to all good night.

Hypnotic Waves

I'm trying hard to stay awake but your peaceful breathing takes most of my will. I hate myself for wanting to wake you but don't know what else to do... I've been taught not to disturb and that is all I ever seem to end up doing. Gosh I hate myself.
There's nothing in this room that breakes the intense sound of silence, everything is pprofusely following your every breath. I'm giving in to the apallimg wave of silence, and do not dare utter a word. Please wake up!!! I beg you, I'm falling through tunnels of endless melodies pouring meaninglessly to a frightening halt. I fear that if I get to the bottom of facts my heart will stop and I'll helplessly die. I need domething to disrupt this hypnotic waves...I need something to pull me out of this monothematic argument between my heart, mind and body, I just need to get out, and you can't hear...only because I don't want to disturb you. I shall, however, I guess... I won't dissapear in the tunnels, staircases and halls of the palace of dreams...I shan't, I won't, I'll get away...somehow.

Spit the blood

Let it run....let it flow....let go....
You're ok in my book, you see...but you don't even trust me that much...that's very important and impossible as well. When you say you've got a radar...you don't..you're not with me... it's not as if you were and were making the same mistake again... you are not doing that...you're not hurting me, I'm hurting myself...why? because I can't let go, that's why. It's ot your fault, at all. It's just that I can't say this to you because It'd prove to be the worse of timing. You shouldn't worry about me, worry aboout yourself. You're not with me, don't feel as if you owe me anything, because you don't. You've already given me a lot. Trust me, everyting will turn out right, even if that means I'll have to part with you.
It's ok, it shall pass...sooner or later, don't wory about me, I'll be fine, just be happy, there's nothing wtong with you, good guess, you're not with me, if you were...it might turn out differently, but you mustn't...it's not ok...you must be happy

Vanish

Something about me...I'm not quite sure wether I should or I shouldn't post something like this. I'm not used to self expression, and hardly ever say things when and how I must. I'm just feeling like beheading myself in order to supress the feelings inside of me. I'd rather not, actually, continue writing but somehow I must, I really must.
Am I ever gonna find the way out? dunno....hope so, I guess. I've been sadly dwelling in my mind for far too much time. Hiding? perhaps. Something that really pisses me off is when ppl don't really tell you how they feel, they just conceal it and say nothing but YOU KNOW they're not being truthful...I do it, yea, but I know when and who I must do it to. I forget all the times when I've tried to pull myself ot of the bed and get up. You might not know what the feeling is like, you just don't feel like getting up at all, not for the day, not for life....I've become familiarized with that, somehow. Conceited, Egomaniac, Self centered, that's how I feel now that I'm writing this. It's as if I just cared about myself, huh? MAybe I should, whtvr...
I'm just tired...I'm definitely tired of everything, and everyone. I got really pissed today when I saw I'd ran out of harmful pills that usually hang in my cabinet. haha...pissed for not having anything to make me feel so sick physically that i'd forget about my heart, my mind...that's darn pathetic, vanishing would be the only way....haha.....
never love, ok? never do....make a vow never to love, ok? do it for me, and for yourself as well....love....he....cruel little feeling...jus get me a dagger and end it, right? coward...yes, coward, that's what I know I am....a damned coward. Evby...go to hell and e-mail me, will you?