Hypnotic Waves

I'm trying hard to stay awake but your peaceful breathing takes most of my will. I hate myself for wanting to wake you but don't know what else to do... I've been taught not to disturb and that is all I ever seem to end up doing. Gosh I hate myself.
There's nothing in this room that breakes the intense sound of silence, everything is pprofusely following your every breath. I'm giving in to the apallimg wave of silence, and do not dare utter a word. Please wake up!!! I beg you, I'm falling through tunnels of endless melodies pouring meaninglessly to a frightening halt. I fear that if I get to the bottom of facts my heart will stop and I'll helplessly die. I need domething to disrupt this hypnotic waves...I need something to pull me out of this monothematic argument between my heart, mind and body, I just need to get out, and you can't hear...only because I don't want to disturb you. I shall, however, I guess... I won't dissapear in the tunnels, staircases and halls of the palace of dreams...I shan't, I won't, I'll get away...somehow.

Spit the blood

Let it run....let it flow....let go....
You're ok in my book, you see...but you don't even trust me that much...that's very important and impossible as well. When you say you've got a radar...you don't..you're not with me... it's not as if you were and were making the same mistake again... you are not doing that...you're not hurting me, I'm hurting myself...why? because I can't let go, that's why. It's ot your fault, at all. It's just that I can't say this to you because It'd prove to be the worse of timing. You shouldn't worry about me, worry aboout yourself. You're not with me, don't feel as if you owe me anything, because you don't. You've already given me a lot. Trust me, everyting will turn out right, even if that means I'll have to part with you.
It's ok, it shall pass...sooner or later, don't wory about me, I'll be fine, just be happy, there's nothing wtong with you, good guess, you're not with me, if you were...it might turn out differently, but you mustn't...it's not ok...you must be happy

Vanish

Something about me...I'm not quite sure wether I should or I shouldn't post something like this. I'm not used to self expression, and hardly ever say things when and how I must. I'm just feeling like beheading myself in order to supress the feelings inside of me. I'd rather not, actually, continue writing but somehow I must, I really must.
Am I ever gonna find the way out? dunno....hope so, I guess. I've been sadly dwelling in my mind for far too much time. Hiding? perhaps. Something that really pisses me off is when ppl don't really tell you how they feel, they just conceal it and say nothing but YOU KNOW they're not being truthful...I do it, yea, but I know when and who I must do it to. I forget all the times when I've tried to pull myself ot of the bed and get up. You might not know what the feeling is like, you just don't feel like getting up at all, not for the day, not for life....I've become familiarized with that, somehow. Conceited, Egomaniac, Self centered, that's how I feel now that I'm writing this. It's as if I just cared about myself, huh? MAybe I should, whtvr...
I'm just tired...I'm definitely tired of everything, and everyone. I got really pissed today when I saw I'd ran out of harmful pills that usually hang in my cabinet. haha...pissed for not having anything to make me feel so sick physically that i'd forget about my heart, my mind...that's darn pathetic, vanishing would be the only way....haha.....
never love, ok? never do....make a vow never to love, ok? do it for me, and for yourself as well....love....he....cruel little feeling...jus get me a dagger and end it, right? coward...yes, coward, that's what I know I am....a damned coward. Evby...go to hell and e-mail me, will you?