Random thinking, random laughing, random cheering for noone. I am filled with hot air, condensing and repeatedly biting misery to the bone, choking on chewtoys and mindfucks, breaking melting, supersensing, hyperfeeling, expanding contractions.
Today's feeling is - - - floaty - - - I'm not even sure if it is a word, and no, I will not search for it on Google because I just don't think my writing over, so if floaty is not a word, at least get the picture...
I am wondering what all of this means...am I...over it? under it? avoiding it? distorting it?
I turn purple as I keep the air in, same as when I choke the tears back, but there are no tears...there is no pain...I just feel...stable.
Or maybe it is the plummeting sensation towards inminent mental destruction and half my brain really isn't functioning anymore.
I can't control the muscles on my face...I'm just blank.
Weird enough...I feel better when I'm blank...there is something about emptiness that makes me feel extremely light and pure, and filled with joy.
Perhaps I'm overcrowded, and my cells are just pouring out of my eyes, indulging my very desperation to flee, fly, flow, flum.... (??)
Perhaps I've had enough of what I say I want and now want what I never say.
Or maybe I'm just fucked up like I've been for the past year because of the same darn thing.
Loveys...today I'm feeling funny, and I don't know how to handle it.
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