Crystal unclear

I do not wish to be cold.
I wish to remain calm, objective, rational and understanding.
I am in a loop.
Plummeting towards my deepest emotions.

I need my instinct, my sense of survival.

I also need to let go.

I need to find in myself the will to find myself.
I am completely and utterly blocked.
Emotionally
Physically

I am broken.
And there's no tape that can fix this mess...

My mess.

My mental destruction.

I wish I could turn back time. Turn myself back. Face myself and say "This is what I want". But there's something about mirrors that jut makes me sadder.

Maybe it is my own expression.
Maybe it's someone else's reflected in mine.

Oh well...it'll pass...eventually