En las 15 cuadras de camino a casa, surgieron una seguidilla de eventos desconectados que me parecieron dignos de publicar acá, ya que estuvimos bloggeando un rato (largo).
1. Salgo a la calle pensando "tengo que ir atenta, no vaya a ser que me roben" (wtf is wrong with this world). Si veo gente en mi vereda, me fijo si caminan para mi lado o para el opuesto. Me crucé con un par de parejas, tres extranjeros despidiéndose en una esquina, y los memorables:
a. Un chico claramente ebrio que arrastraba lo que no pude distinguir si era una rama o su cinturón, en zig zag, con cara de ausencia mental.
b. Dos tipos filosofando a quienes perseguía una nube de faso.
Los "b" me llevaron a pensar en porro. En que dejé de fumar porro hace años, en que alguien hoy publicó en facebook que estaba intentando dejar de fumar (tabaco), junto con una foto de los parches de nicotina y la pila de golosinas que compró para combatir la ansiedad.
Hilo mental: Uno deja de fumar y lo ataca la ansiedad, entonces come, MUCHO. Y en consecuencia, engorda.
El porro a la mayoría de las personas les genera una tranquilidad impresionante, por lo que quizás, para dejar de fumar tabaco, habría que fumar porro para calmar la ansiedad. Pero el porro trae los munchies, por lo que uno come...MUCHO.
Aparentemente las opciones son engordar ansioso, o engordar relajado.
Un par de cuadras más adelante GATITO!!!! Lo llamo, me mira, se acerca con cautela...frena, pienso "alguien ya estaría cazando el antihistamínico del morral".
Por cruzar la avenida, en verde para mi, rojo para ellos, pero con paso de gente que dobla, atino a cruzar y un tachero malparido me toca bocina y dobla. "Ojalá te pise un auto", digo en voz alta. (decir las cosas en voz alta me hace pensar que las escuchan, y que les afectan, aunque es un delirio importante pensar que alguien en auto, y a esa velocidad pueda llegar a escuchar mi deseo).
Antes de terminar de cruzar, una moto, en rojo, cruza por delante mio. "Ojalá choques".
Hilo mental 2: El "ojalá choques" debería haber sido dedicado al tachero, en auto, es difícil que te pise un auto estando dentro de uno...no lo había pensado. Pero...¡momento! "Ojalá te bajes del taxi y viviendo como peatón, te pise un auto".
Justicia poética.
Unas cuadras más, caminando alla Sinatra, marcando tempo con el paraguas - que traje al pedo, porque paró de llover antes de que saliera de casa - veo a un hombre durmiendo en la vereda. Dejo de golpear el paraguas.
Respeto a la gente que duerme.
Los admiro.
Los odio.
¿Qué clase de persona tiene tanta tranquilidad como para dormir?
¿Y los que duermen toda la noche?
Garcas.
Pero los respeto, o quizás sólo respeto su sueño. Porque a mi no me gustaría estar durmiendo y que alguien pase golpeando un paraguas contra el piso. Porque es de garca también.
Y llegué a casa, previo chequeo de que no hubiese nadie "queriendo entrar", no vaya a ser que me roben.
Saturday, May 17, 2014
Sunday, June 09, 2013
So Fucking Late
Well hallo, my fellow websurfers!
It is my 4th day home in a row, and I am going berserk.
Nobody seems to give a shit about one when one's ill.
I got one phone call, from grandma...and one offer of coming over to cook for me, from one of my boyfriend's friends... completely unnecesary since my lungs are what don't work, therefore I can cook perfectly fine by myself. (Nice of him though).
My boyfriend remembered I exist say...once in these days...and only half-replies messages an hour later.
Was supposed to come today, instead, it is 1:10 in the morning and he's calling from a friend's bar saying "he'll finish his whiskey and come over"....MURDER. Our friend on the other hand is playing "The diplomat", and trying to convince me not to kill him, because he stayed with him as "moral support" and he delivered a mead order at the bar "so don't be angry"...
MURDER
When I tell him he was supposed to come during the day and instead will come now, and my anger is not related to the last hour, he says "those are couple problems, I will not meddle anymore". GOOD
Now, honey, I hope you don't think you can ring the doorbell at this time of night, even if your cell is not working, I would assume you had a plan BEFORE being SO FUCKING LATE.
Love LMH
It is my 4th day home in a row, and I am going berserk.
Nobody seems to give a shit about one when one's ill.
I got one phone call, from grandma...and one offer of coming over to cook for me, from one of my boyfriend's friends... completely unnecesary since my lungs are what don't work, therefore I can cook perfectly fine by myself. (Nice of him though).
My boyfriend remembered I exist say...once in these days...and only half-replies messages an hour later.
Was supposed to come today, instead, it is 1:10 in the morning and he's calling from a friend's bar saying "he'll finish his whiskey and come over"....MURDER. Our friend on the other hand is playing "The diplomat", and trying to convince me not to kill him, because he stayed with him as "moral support" and he delivered a mead order at the bar "so don't be angry"...
MURDER
When I tell him he was supposed to come during the day and instead will come now, and my anger is not related to the last hour, he says "those are couple problems, I will not meddle anymore". GOOD
Now, honey, I hope you don't think you can ring the doorbell at this time of night, even if your cell is not working, I would assume you had a plan BEFORE being SO FUCKING LATE.
Love LMH
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
26 CANDLE LIFE MANUAL....or something
Well, so...I always start writing with the "it's been quite a long time since I last posted" and stuff like that, but this time I'm gonna get over that cliche and just get over with it.
I haven't written in a while because I had nothing to share. Or maybe to say. Perhaps it is even that Facebook has taken over my life in various aspects, and I can't seem to make myself write something longer than a status update or creepy quote.
I am not sure how I got off the route labeled "quest to happiness", but for some reason, I have found that I don't need to search for happiness at all. I am content. I have found a way of coping with everyday bullshit (other people's and my own) that works pretty well, I guess.
I used to spend an enormous amount of time trying to figure out why people were the way they were, why someone would act a certain way, why things were said, alltogether, a fucked up and unnecessary analysis of "insert everything here" around. I spent countless hours, days, months, analyzing behaviors, behavioral patterns, responses, reactions, EVERYTHING. It was exhausting.
I figured that as long as my plan of finding happiness was on trial mode, I could attempt to analyze and deconstruct every single aspect of humanity that was possible, pretending, with this, to achieve this so called "happiness", by avoiding anything (of the previously analyzed shit) that would get me out of my schemes.
So here's what I've come up with, now that I can say I am content, and that's a lot, trust me:
THE 26 RULES FOR THIS PARTICULAR INDIVIDUAL'S LIFE - ONE FOR EACH LIVED YEAR:
1. Write a lot, even in your head, it's not creepy as long as you don't show it. (to people, blogs don't count)
2. I got this from Burton's Alice in Wonderland (and I loved it) "Think of at least 3 impossible things before breakfast".
3. Embrace every idea you have, no matter how far-fetched or wrong it may seem, embracing ideas is a way of embracing yourself, YOU are the one having them, aren't you?
4. Avoid putting too much energy in meaningless conversations, discussions, arguments, etc. it's draining. Unless you enjoy word battles, in which case, yippie, have a blast!
5. Make sure to get a new goal EVERY DAY, it can be as simple as doing your nails, or as complex as building your own Inn in the next 10 to 15 years.
6. Eat healthy, eat delicious. There is nothing wrong with indulging one's palate in gourmet cuisine, as long as it's not endangering your well-being.
7. Be pro-active. In work, in your relationships and in life in general. Being pro-active, gets your mind an energy boost you will not experience in any other way.
8. Say no, get pissed off, tell people to fuck off, it's OK. You can live your life either by letting everything "happen", and letting people do as they please regardless of how that makes you feel, or you can be honest. Trust me, HONESTY is very much appreciated by the right kind of people.
9. Don't try and remember dates or "social bullshit". You have nothing to prove (and your real friends know you wouldn't forget their birthdays on purpose). "So I checked the internet today, and it said it was your birthday last month, so...I hope you had an awesome time, sorry for the lag, love, me."
10. Meet new people. The further away they live, the better, it will make you make an effort to see them, that is, if you really like them. If you don't, you can always say you live too far away and that's that. No, just kidding, just meet people, and keep the ones you like. You have no obligation whatsoever to keep them all. You're not hoarding people like pokemons, are you?
11. Don't disguise your mood. If you are pissed, fucked up, tired, or whatever, enjoy it!! It's one of the things that makes you different from a pineapple or a piece of bark.
12. Losing people is not all that bad. How is this? The right people you've met throughout your (probably short) life, will not go away just because you disagreed, or they got angry, or you forgot to call. In fact, those who do - and I know a couple - were never worth your thoughts in the first place.
13. What comes around, goes around. Karma is a bitch, and so are you if you don't stop bitching about karma being such a skank. Things happen for a reason. It could be that you fucked up bigtime and deserve it, but it is most likely either a combination of causes leading to a string of consequences or a mere fluke.
14. Dreams are forever. You may not always dream the same thing, but every dream you have is usually linked to the others, or an evolution of an original dream.
15. Don't judge, don't trust - too fast. Things like judgement and trust, should be built in time. There is no such thing as "fast friends" or "lightning relationships", you have to work for it, earn respect, trust, love, and give it back if willing. If not, use rule 8 and be honest about the way you feel. Which takes me to rule 16.
16. DON'T BE AN ASSHOLE. No matter how hard life has smacked you in the face with a fire extinguisher, there is NO REASON, whatsoever, to take it out on other people. Your day sucked? suck it up, MAKE it better. It is actually up to you to make your days better or worse. Stop blaming others.
17. Make your fate. Decide each minute, hour or day, how you want to feel that day. From what you wear, to how you approach people, and how you work. If you're sad, or blue, take a mellow day, that doesn't mean taking a day off work, it simply means taking it down a notch.
18. Fight your own battles (let others fight theirs). Always being there for other people, not only makes you an annoying busybody, but also it turns them into banal bastards. I wouldn't wish that even to the worse I've met.
19. There are no excuses for acting like a fucktard, and you must show people there are consequences to their actions. If someone wrongs you, shove it in their faces, they DESERVE it. Otherwise they will think they can go around screwing everyone up and not get a high five with a chair on the face. (thank you 9gag)
20. Enthrall in meaningful conversations and enjoy healthy situations. Friends always have something interesting to talk to you about, I am sure you have a lot of them who you haven't seen in a while, and are probably full of cool info and updates! Plus, once the new data is gone, you can always go over well brewed subjects, such as religion, politics, law, and what-nots. (not recommended for new friends)
21. Add color to your life. Spice it up a little!! Throw dinner parties mid-week, treat a friend to sushi, take dance lessons (your legs won't be good forever), go swimming, enjoy a weekend in the country, moonbathe in your terrace or watch independent films every now and then. Buy a record, window shop at bookstores. Your choice!!
22. Admit to yourself that you're getting older, and embrace the fact that sooner or later you will die, and you've known it from the moment someone yelled "kid!! get down from there or you'll crack your neck and die!". Dying is not cool, it just happens to happen. Deal with it.
23. The phrase "all of my friends are having kids, and buying cars and shit like that" SUCKS. Use the same philosophy your mom used to give you when "everyone was doing it": "IF EVERYONE JUMPS OFF A BRIDGE, WOULD YOU DO TOO?" (depends on how much fun it is, mom!) Nobody can tell you when it is YOUR time to grow up, become socially acceptable - if ever- or bring a child to this world. Your time will come, or it won't. Relax, noone I know is entirely happy with having or not having those things.
24. Indulge yourself with "YOU" time. You need this time. Not necessarily to DO anything in particular, simply to shut down from the ever-so-invasive world, and enjoy the fact that you can breathe.
25. Take trips. If you can't afford the real deal, take them in your head, they're not as cool, but definitely better since they are free!! Pretend you are from somewhere else, walk down the streets in your neighborhood in child-like amusement. Get some ice-cream. Laugh.
26. Remember life is not a road, it doesn't take you anywhere, this is what there is, and you don't have to get "through" it, yo have to live it, love it, and enjoy it! Live each day as if there were no tomorrow, or cliches for every day of the year. :D
Which there are.
So here I leave you, with a belated summary of my "26 candle embracing life manual" which I hope you enjoy, if you do, please comment, there's nothing worse than not sharing your thoughts or giving someone a boost if you liked it.
Criticism not welcome, unless it is thoughtful and constructive, keep it to yourself, there's too much shit in the world for me to find it on my blog.
Love
LM
I haven't written in a while because I had nothing to share. Or maybe to say. Perhaps it is even that Facebook has taken over my life in various aspects, and I can't seem to make myself write something longer than a status update or creepy quote.
I am not sure how I got off the route labeled "quest to happiness", but for some reason, I have found that I don't need to search for happiness at all. I am content. I have found a way of coping with everyday bullshit (other people's and my own) that works pretty well, I guess.
I used to spend an enormous amount of time trying to figure out why people were the way they were, why someone would act a certain way, why things were said, alltogether, a fucked up and unnecessary analysis of "insert everything here" around. I spent countless hours, days, months, analyzing behaviors, behavioral patterns, responses, reactions, EVERYTHING. It was exhausting.
I figured that as long as my plan of finding happiness was on trial mode, I could attempt to analyze and deconstruct every single aspect of humanity that was possible, pretending, with this, to achieve this so called "happiness", by avoiding anything (of the previously analyzed shit) that would get me out of my schemes.
So here's what I've come up with, now that I can say I am content, and that's a lot, trust me:
THE 26 RULES FOR THIS PARTICULAR INDIVIDUAL'S LIFE - ONE FOR EACH LIVED YEAR:
1. Write a lot, even in your head, it's not creepy as long as you don't show it. (to people, blogs don't count)
2. I got this from Burton's Alice in Wonderland (and I loved it) "Think of at least 3 impossible things before breakfast".
3. Embrace every idea you have, no matter how far-fetched or wrong it may seem, embracing ideas is a way of embracing yourself, YOU are the one having them, aren't you?
4. Avoid putting too much energy in meaningless conversations, discussions, arguments, etc. it's draining. Unless you enjoy word battles, in which case, yippie, have a blast!
5. Make sure to get a new goal EVERY DAY, it can be as simple as doing your nails, or as complex as building your own Inn in the next 10 to 15 years.
6. Eat healthy, eat delicious. There is nothing wrong with indulging one's palate in gourmet cuisine, as long as it's not endangering your well-being.
7. Be pro-active. In work, in your relationships and in life in general. Being pro-active, gets your mind an energy boost you will not experience in any other way.
8. Say no, get pissed off, tell people to fuck off, it's OK. You can live your life either by letting everything "happen", and letting people do as they please regardless of how that makes you feel, or you can be honest. Trust me, HONESTY is very much appreciated by the right kind of people.
9. Don't try and remember dates or "social bullshit". You have nothing to prove (and your real friends know you wouldn't forget their birthdays on purpose). "So I checked the internet today, and it said it was your birthday last month, so...I hope you had an awesome time, sorry for the lag, love, me."
10. Meet new people. The further away they live, the better, it will make you make an effort to see them, that is, if you really like them. If you don't, you can always say you live too far away and that's that. No, just kidding, just meet people, and keep the ones you like. You have no obligation whatsoever to keep them all. You're not hoarding people like pokemons, are you?
11. Don't disguise your mood. If you are pissed, fucked up, tired, or whatever, enjoy it!! It's one of the things that makes you different from a pineapple or a piece of bark.
12. Losing people is not all that bad. How is this? The right people you've met throughout your (probably short) life, will not go away just because you disagreed, or they got angry, or you forgot to call. In fact, those who do - and I know a couple - were never worth your thoughts in the first place.
13. What comes around, goes around. Karma is a bitch, and so are you if you don't stop bitching about karma being such a skank. Things happen for a reason. It could be that you fucked up bigtime and deserve it, but it is most likely either a combination of causes leading to a string of consequences or a mere fluke.
14. Dreams are forever. You may not always dream the same thing, but every dream you have is usually linked to the others, or an evolution of an original dream.
15. Don't judge, don't trust - too fast. Things like judgement and trust, should be built in time. There is no such thing as "fast friends" or "lightning relationships", you have to work for it, earn respect, trust, love, and give it back if willing. If not, use rule 8 and be honest about the way you feel. Which takes me to rule 16.
16. DON'T BE AN ASSHOLE. No matter how hard life has smacked you in the face with a fire extinguisher, there is NO REASON, whatsoever, to take it out on other people. Your day sucked? suck it up, MAKE it better. It is actually up to you to make your days better or worse. Stop blaming others.
17. Make your fate. Decide each minute, hour or day, how you want to feel that day. From what you wear, to how you approach people, and how you work. If you're sad, or blue, take a mellow day, that doesn't mean taking a day off work, it simply means taking it down a notch.
18. Fight your own battles (let others fight theirs). Always being there for other people, not only makes you an annoying busybody, but also it turns them into banal bastards. I wouldn't wish that even to the worse I've met.
19. There are no excuses for acting like a fucktard, and you must show people there are consequences to their actions. If someone wrongs you, shove it in their faces, they DESERVE it. Otherwise they will think they can go around screwing everyone up and not get a high five with a chair on the face. (thank you 9gag)
20. Enthrall in meaningful conversations and enjoy healthy situations. Friends always have something interesting to talk to you about, I am sure you have a lot of them who you haven't seen in a while, and are probably full of cool info and updates! Plus, once the new data is gone, you can always go over well brewed subjects, such as religion, politics, law, and what-nots. (not recommended for new friends)
21. Add color to your life. Spice it up a little!! Throw dinner parties mid-week, treat a friend to sushi, take dance lessons (your legs won't be good forever), go swimming, enjoy a weekend in the country, moonbathe in your terrace or watch independent films every now and then. Buy a record, window shop at bookstores. Your choice!!
22. Admit to yourself that you're getting older, and embrace the fact that sooner or later you will die, and you've known it from the moment someone yelled "kid!! get down from there or you'll crack your neck and die!". Dying is not cool, it just happens to happen. Deal with it.
23. The phrase "all of my friends are having kids, and buying cars and shit like that" SUCKS. Use the same philosophy your mom used to give you when "everyone was doing it": "IF EVERYONE JUMPS OFF A BRIDGE, WOULD YOU DO TOO?" (depends on how much fun it is, mom!) Nobody can tell you when it is YOUR time to grow up, become socially acceptable - if ever- or bring a child to this world. Your time will come, or it won't. Relax, noone I know is entirely happy with having or not having those things.
24. Indulge yourself with "YOU" time. You need this time. Not necessarily to DO anything in particular, simply to shut down from the ever-so-invasive world, and enjoy the fact that you can breathe.
25. Take trips. If you can't afford the real deal, take them in your head, they're not as cool, but definitely better since they are free!! Pretend you are from somewhere else, walk down the streets in your neighborhood in child-like amusement. Get some ice-cream. Laugh.
26. Remember life is not a road, it doesn't take you anywhere, this is what there is, and you don't have to get "through" it, yo have to live it, love it, and enjoy it! Live each day as if there were no tomorrow, or cliches for every day of the year. :D
Which there are.
So here I leave you, with a belated summary of my "26 candle embracing life manual" which I hope you enjoy, if you do, please comment, there's nothing worse than not sharing your thoughts or giving someone a boost if you liked it.
Criticism not welcome, unless it is thoughtful and constructive, keep it to yourself, there's too much shit in the world for me to find it on my blog.
Love
LM
Saturday, May 05, 2012
Paranoia
So you're going home, back from a get-together party with some friends, and while riding the almost empty bus, you realize you might just be one of the top 5 oldest people in it.
That sucks.
The bus you took leaves you about 6 blocks away from your place, and you start walking, in a bit of a hurry, and you find yourself looking around like a hamster waiting for a hawk to plummet down and attack.
You can see everything around you, I guess night makes us more....aware, that's probably the right word. Your eyesight is sharper, you hear practically anything and pay attention to everything from what people are wearing, to the way they walk, checking if they are a potential menace to your wellbeing.
You put your cell-phone in a pocket, the smallest, hardest one to find, in case someone is lurking in the dark waiting to grab it from you; you clench your purse/put hand in your pockets to protect your few belongings from the world. You walk fast, looking back and around every few paces, squinting in order to see whether or not the person walking a block away from you is coming towards you or going the other way.
On the other hand, your legs feel like they're made of lead, or some solid matter making it harder, even, to get home. It's like everything is against you, you feel paranoid, insecure, scared, and slightly courageous for having dared going out in such a dark night. You see the moon, and wish you had a telescopic camera with you....although you would most likely be thrusting it into your chest covering as much of the case as possible so as not to be robbed.
Every time I go out and come back alone, I find myself fearing the possibility of being mugged, robbed, raped, beaten, or all of the above. Tonight, as I turned around the corner to my place, I saw two things on the floor...a condom wrapper, and a personal lubricant wrapper, the kind that comes in a condom box....both were open, I could tell from where I was standing, and it made me wonder...Is it simply the remainings of a badly knotted garbage bag? Maybe someone tossed it too hard and sent these two particular wrappers flying to the ground...
...and then comes the spine chilling thought....
What if someone was surprised here, restrained by someone, held against a wall and raped (with condom and lube) right on my street corner?
I know it is extreme, but what isn't nowadays?
I see people go into their buildings trusting that the door will shut behind them, not considering that someone might be rushing towards it the moment they turn their backs, holding it, and getting in fast enough to put a gun to their heads and go into their homes...their safe spots...you never know.
This society, this country, this world, they have made me paranoid, constantly worrying about being attacked by some random stranger in the street when all I wanted was to have a good time, with friends, away from home. I have grown more and more afraid of places I used to strut around mindlessly, holding a reflex camera in my hand in the middle of the night hoping to catch moonlight....
I have been here.
But it was different.
I was different.
I guess the tide has changed.
That sucks.
The bus you took leaves you about 6 blocks away from your place, and you start walking, in a bit of a hurry, and you find yourself looking around like a hamster waiting for a hawk to plummet down and attack.
You can see everything around you, I guess night makes us more....aware, that's probably the right word. Your eyesight is sharper, you hear practically anything and pay attention to everything from what people are wearing, to the way they walk, checking if they are a potential menace to your wellbeing.
You put your cell-phone in a pocket, the smallest, hardest one to find, in case someone is lurking in the dark waiting to grab it from you; you clench your purse/put hand in your pockets to protect your few belongings from the world. You walk fast, looking back and around every few paces, squinting in order to see whether or not the person walking a block away from you is coming towards you or going the other way.
On the other hand, your legs feel like they're made of lead, or some solid matter making it harder, even, to get home. It's like everything is against you, you feel paranoid, insecure, scared, and slightly courageous for having dared going out in such a dark night. You see the moon, and wish you had a telescopic camera with you....although you would most likely be thrusting it into your chest covering as much of the case as possible so as not to be robbed.
Every time I go out and come back alone, I find myself fearing the possibility of being mugged, robbed, raped, beaten, or all of the above. Tonight, as I turned around the corner to my place, I saw two things on the floor...a condom wrapper, and a personal lubricant wrapper, the kind that comes in a condom box....both were open, I could tell from where I was standing, and it made me wonder...Is it simply the remainings of a badly knotted garbage bag? Maybe someone tossed it too hard and sent these two particular wrappers flying to the ground...
...and then comes the spine chilling thought....
What if someone was surprised here, restrained by someone, held against a wall and raped (with condom and lube) right on my street corner?
I know it is extreme, but what isn't nowadays?
I see people go into their buildings trusting that the door will shut behind them, not considering that someone might be rushing towards it the moment they turn their backs, holding it, and getting in fast enough to put a gun to their heads and go into their homes...their safe spots...you never know.
This society, this country, this world, they have made me paranoid, constantly worrying about being attacked by some random stranger in the street when all I wanted was to have a good time, with friends, away from home. I have grown more and more afraid of places I used to strut around mindlessly, holding a reflex camera in my hand in the middle of the night hoping to catch moonlight....
I have been here.
But it was different.
I was different.
I guess the tide has changed.
Monday, February 20, 2012
Fine
So I guess I haven't had a lot to say in the past couple of weeks, or maybe I have, but haven't had the time...the will...the whatnots. I don't know, and to be true, I don't really have anything to say right now, well I do, I just don't feel like publishing any of it on the web.
Am I happy?
No, not just yet.
That's a question I must ask everytime things seem to be nice and cozy, and better, and good. I am happy with some things, with my projects, for example, my job? well....sometimes I am, somewhere around paycheck time y'know... anyway...
I'm fine :)
F.I.N.E Fucked up, Insecure, Neurotic, and Emotional
LOL not really....just had to.
Cya Loveys
Monday, January 02, 2012
Visual Love
So, it's a new year, a whole new year to make a whole new bunch of mistakes. To meet a whole new bunch of people, and decide what we need to stop doing to prevent our premature, yet imminent death.
You know, most people categorize people who think of death as something imminent as depressive, lacking purpose and such; hovewer, I couldn't disagree more.
I mean, it's not as simple as it seems, to embrace the fact that in a not so far away future, we will be dead, and we will be forgotten, and everything we lived for will just be a page in whatever type of life we led. If, in fact, there are pages in our lives, or records, for that matter.
I take pictures...I take a lot of pictures, though lately I find it harder and harder to publish them online. Why? Because I'm selfish.
And I like looking at the pictures I take, and not sharing them.
There goes my career as a photographer look!!!! (flushing sound) heck no! There are some that I show.
Truth is, photographs are not only a record of what happened, of the people you know, of what you've done; they are also a part of whoever took them.
To explain this better, cause I tend to go offtopic in a second, whoever takes the picture leaves his own, personal, special view of whatever he/she is capturing.
You see, there are a thousand angles to an image, even more, in fact, and there is no way of being objective when taking a picture.
It is YOUR way of seeing, your way of looking at the world, and it is in fact painful sometimes to share.
Of course, it is different when you take photos of people you don't know, or random events or parties, but say, you take a picture of someone you love, a friend, relative, partner, or whatever, it is different....why? Because noone sees the person you're taking pictures of with your eyes. Because MAYBE in your eyes, a picture, or a person is beautiful because of how much LOVE you put into it, or them.
So I guess I'm going offtopic again, but man, love is, definitely, the most beautiful, amazing, heart-filling, mindfucking feeling in the whole world.
And in this world, the one I live in, as I see it, everyone deserves to be loved...
So, love.
Love Love Love Love, and don't give a fuck about getting anything back, because nothing should make you feel fuller than having the ability to love, unconditionally, forever, and in such a great scale that it's unmeasurable.
Happy New Year!
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Of life, books, and other stories...
Good morning, though I should probably say good night, given that I, once again, have not yet gone to sleep.
Insomnia has turned out to be a daily aspect of my life, this time I did go out, so it could simply be the rush of seeing friends and having drinks that just needs to wear off and let me slowly drain my brain of ideas and let it doze off to its rest.
We all know that is not going to happen.
It probably happens with everyone though, I think, in general, we all spend most of our "awake time" thinking about something. The question is: is there a limit? is there a point in thinking where we should draw the line? cut back? give ourselves a break? When do we stop thinking and start overthinking? can all this questioning be considered overthinking or is it just an annoying form of curiosity?
It's easy to write "the question is" and then turn it into a "the questions are", simply because life, human nature, and reaction can't all be put together into one question. There is no Question that sums life up, or thought, or personalities, or anything, for that matter.
There is no snooze button or "sleep" option in our minds, we simply function at different speeds and intensities according to the different circumstances, days, situations and relationships we go through.
There is no "definition of life" in the same way that there is no upbringing that determines behaviour, personality pattern that defines every person in depth, social influence that makes us act in this or that way, chromosome that determines our sexual preferences, or healthcare that keeps us healthy.
Everything is so complex and mazey (new word) that we simply can't put things into labeled boxes according to things in common.
This is not a "shape, size and colour" classification, this is people, this is life, this is circumstance, this is influence, it is everything that does not fall into a group or status, it is personal, rich, complicated and beautiful.
Beautiful.
Difference is beautiful.
The mind is beautiful.
The mind is different in everyone.
Everyone makes a difference, just because they are, in fact, different.
And their mere existence makes a new mark on the pages of the book of life.
Which cannot be arranged by time, age, numbers, alphabetically, or categorized in any way.
I'm sorry if I blow some bubbles, but noone gets and index or a manual when they're pulled out of the womb crying for hell's air, and anyone who says they've got the key to a full life is full of shit. (which at least proves they're life is full of something).
So get over yourselves, and just scream to get the air in your lungs, like you did that first time when all that life was, was an extended period of possibilities, and a whole lot to discover.
Love.
LMH
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